A Faux News Editorial

"Hello, I'm Bludney Plud, and it's time for I Can't Believe It's Not News. Today we have a story about how so-called 'gay marriage' has affected the sanctity of traditional wedding vows. San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom, who just one year ago was catering to the capricious whims of the pansy population of his city by issuing fake marriage certificates and actually performing 'wedding ceremonies' at City Hall, has announced that he and his allegedly bicoastal wife, former lingerie model turned attorney Kimberly Guilfoyle, are splitting up. Can there be any more concrete proof that a Constitutional amendment is needed to keep these people from destroying the institution of marriage as we know it? The pending divorce is obviously a direct result of Mayor Newsom's allowing our sacred traditions to be mocked by embracing the most radical elements of the homosexual agenda. The Mayor has attempted to contradict the will of God, the people and George W. Bush, and now he is paying the price. We'll have more on the subject right after these messages from our sponsors and Charles Asshat with Today's Republican Moment. Charlie's subject today will be the debate on whether liberals should be rounded up and sent to internment camps or just shot where they stand. Stay tuned..."