Friday, March 18, 2005

A Man of Letters

Those of you who are on my political email distribution list got a chance yesterday to read the letter my friend Joel sent to "Jeff Gannon." Because I enjoyed that letter so much, I'm going to reprint it here. In addition, for your entertainment and enjoyment, I'm putting up his even more recent letter to Pat Robertson's Regent University, thanking them for having recently hired John Ashcroft.

Joel needs to start his own blog, so that he can post this sort of thing himself. (In fact, he may be pursuing that very goal right now.)

By the way, in case you're wondering, the address to send email to "Jeff Gannon" is Not that I'm trying to encourage any of you folks out there to send him a nastygram telling him he's a vain, vapid cock-headed man-whore without a shred of credibility, because deep down, in his heart of hearts, he probably already knows full well that he's a vain, vapid cock-headed man-whore without a shred of credibility.

I mean, I'm just sayin'.

Anyway, here's Joel's letter to "Jeff":

so, how does it really feel to slam the very sexuality you are
tied to by nature? or were you just moonlighting on those websites
and advertisements? and what exactly do you mean when you say that
you are "on hiatus" from the white house press room? do you seriously
think you would ever be invited back now that you have been shown
to be a liar and a shill? hiatus means "on a break" or "vacation".
you have been shunned, turned away, disassociated from, given the
heave-ho. a better career move might be to challenge tonya harding
to a wrestling match, although i'd be leery of betting my money on
you. while you have a very creepy quality about you (i.e. you change
your name, get by the secret service "somehow", toss sophomoric
questions that make even the biased cringe in their argyles, then
whine about the unfairness of your outing [in both senses of the
word]), which should make even the stoutest of heart unwilling to
touch you in fear of some loathsome legion attaching itself to their
souls, ms. harding has enough similar qualities in terms of shameless
self-promoting and ability to sell oneself's bedrock identity in
return for an extra 15 minutes worth of fame to actually be able to
grapple with you. think about it while you slip further into your
chasm of self-demise.

And here is his letter to Regent University, regarding the hiring of John Ashcroft:

I'd like to thank you for taking in John Ashcroft as a teacher. I
believe it shows your commitment to support the economy and keep
people away from the unemployment lines. While Mr. Ashcroft may have
shown himself to be a liar, a hypocrite, a perjurer and a political
opportunist (who would stop at nothing to further the agenda of anyone
who outranked him, thereby making him a toady as well), it is with
glee that I regard your hiring of him. Better the enemy I know at a
pre-fab "university" in plain sight then then the enemy I know somewhere
out in the ether where I can't see him. So, thank you for putting him
back in the bulls-eye of the media. Now, I can continue to hear of his
strident, anti-American remarks about how we Liberals are ruining the
country and making it a Godless place for you Chosen People who know
oh-so-much more than we about how God wants this country to be run.
Thank you and God Bless You as your bosses make a mockery of a dilemma
that most likely started out as a simple question: what gives you the
right to call someone like me a transgressor merely because I think or
believe differently than you?

Nice work, Joel. Get a blog of your own going and I'll be sure to put up a link to it.
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